Hating Love
by Jack the Chicken Nugget
Summary: Love. It is perhaps the most dastardly and dangerous thing in the universe, and one unfortunate bandit is about to find out why. Follow Arran as he chases after the love of his life: a Kung-Fu master who could turn his insides into outsides in a matter of seconds. Love hurts, and Arran is in for a world of pain. P.S, reviews are nice, but if you want a reply PM me.


Love is a very curious thing.

It has made life better for some and hell for others, started wars and ended them, and driven men to do acts of both unspeakable barbarity and benevolent kindness. Love has done all of this and more, yet its workings still remain the utmost mystery to most of us. How _does_ love work? Is it just some scientific mumbo-jumbo to do with hormones and chemicals, or is it something a little more… Magical.

It's funny. I've never really thought about love before, but now that I do, I realise just how strange it is. I'd never expected to fall in love, at least, certainly not with someone like _her_. But alas, that's love for you. It sneaks up on you, and sinks its teeth into your flesh and refuses to let go, no matter how much you will it to.

Like I said, love is a very curious thing.

I suppose I'm getting ahead of myself. My name is Arran, and I'm a wolf bandit…

What's this? You haven't run away? My my, you _are_ a brave one. It's a rare occasion for me to find someone who doesn't flee at the sight of me. Kudos to you, friend. Anyways, where were we? Ah yes, my predicament.

Like I said, I'm a bandit and a wolf, in other words, your generic bad guy. I steal, rob and burgle and you know what? I'm completely okay with that. Seriously, I'm not one of those sad little charity cases who steal because they have mouths to feed or a sick grandma to take care of or some other bullshit excuse like that. I steal because I like money, end of story. As good a reason as any, If you ask me.

That's partially the reason why I agreed to come to the Valley of Peace in the first place. It's a village full of pigs, goats and adorable little bunnies with purses fat with cash. How could I resist? I and my merry band of cutthroats and thieves came here nought but a few months ago, and, well, have you ever heard the phrase '_if it sounds too good to be true, then it usually is'_?

Yeah, that kind of proved to be the point here.

We'd just jumped a caravan in the Valley's surrounding forest, easy game if there ever was any. There had been twelve of us, so we beat down the caravan's meagre guard detail rather easily. I'd snagged a lockbox from one of the carts and had been busy picking the lock when… _It_ happened.

There was a rustle to my left, among the bushes. I dropped the lockbox I'd been working on and drew my sword, instantly suspicious. The rest of my crew were still busy fighting over who got the biggest share of the spoils. I inched closer cautiously, growling instinctively as I did so.

It all happened so fast. Five figures leapt out from seemingly nowhere, diving towards my comrades with a vicious war cry. As I turned to face them, my assailant zipped out from the bushes I'd been inspecting, blindsiding me completely and sending me sailing through the air. My sword flew from my grasp, and I tumbled to the floor, groaning in agony.

Then I saw my attacker, and forgot all about my pain.

A vibrant green snake danced her way through the air, moving from one of my friends to another almost effortlessly, dispatching each of them with ease. Her movements were graceful, yet sharp. She wove her way through the fray like some elegant angel of ass-kicking, catapulting one wolf into a tree before nocking another out cold with a blow from her tail.

Within less than a minute, her and her allies had completely wiped us out.

When the dust finally settled, I got my first good look at this snake. A web of calligraphy spun its way down her back, and a pair of lotus blossoms dotted the sides of her head. Her eyes were a strong blue, filled with passion and purpose.

She was beautiful.

I tried to gather myself and get back on my feet, but to no avail. Whoever that snake was, she'd sure as hell did a number on me. By god, she was _strong_, and her fighting skills far outweighed mine (which wasn't really saying much seeing as, when it came down to it, I was pretty much useless in a fight).

Once again, I tried to get up, this time managing to bring myself to my knees. What remained of the rest of my raid party had fled into the surrounding forest, whilst the rest lay unconscious on the ground. It looked like I was the only one left. The group of what I presumed where kung-Fu masters stood conversing with each other. One tiger, a monkey, a crane, a mantis, a panda…

And a snake. A stunningly beautiful, agile, and vicious snake.

To my surprise, those mystical blue eyes of hers turned to me. My heart fluttered in my chest as she slithered up to me. A goofy smile pinned itself on my face. In retrospect, I must have looked like a fool. She, on the other hand, looked positively deadly.

Her stern, hostile demeanour softened slightly as she noticed my paw clutched to my stomach. For a moment I actually thought she was going to talk to me, but alas, I had to open my big mouth.

"Have my babies…" I sighed dreamily.

Yeah… She didn't respond to that all too well.

* * *

So there it is. I'm a scumbag bandit who's head over heels in love with a Kung-Fu master who can kill me with a flick of their tail. Why? I don't know. Maybe I'm just on some divine being's shit-list or something. I mean seriously, a Kung-Fu master? Of all the people I could fall for it had to be _her? _

But like I said, love is a very curious thing, and an _annoying_ one at that.


End file.
